Dont Call It a Comeback

Mac9 was officially killed in a murder/suicide (or is it murder-suicide?) by a crazy woman.  Apparently McNair was asleep when she fired a bullet into his temple, then two in the chest, then one more to the other temple before placing herself next to McNair and taking the coward’s way out and shooting herself.  I will say what an older gentleman at the bank said the other day: “I think the thing we can all learn from this is to never trust a Persian woman.”  Amen.

KSK had my two favorite things about the whole tragedy.  When they broke the news they said, “Steve McNair found shot to death this morning in Nashville.  He is expected to start Sunday.”  And now this.

Whatever you think about Steve McNair and the crazy bitch that killed him, this is a tragedy for both families.  Sad, sad business.

But at least he’s not a bitchy asshole (it’s a joke.  just a joke.  hahaha, laugh laugh).  If you haven’t heard about Jay Cutler’s saga, here’s the rundown:

“Eh, I get paid millions to throw a ball during the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression but I feel entitled to bitch about everything around me.  I am a jackass.” -Jay Cutler on the record.

He was mentioned in a three team trade that would send him to the Bucs, a draft pick from the Bucs to the Pats and Matt Cassell from the Pats to the Broncos.  Only, Bilichick wanted a 2nd round pick instead of a 1st and traded Cassell to his old pal in KC (Collusion, Conspiracy, Tampering).  So, it never happened, but Jay is pissed he was even mentioned.

Yes, this third year QB who has never taken a team to the playoffs (even Vince could manage that) and shown that he can brag more than he can play (”My arm is stronger than John Elway’s”  WHO GIVES A SHIT?! WIN A FUCKING PLAYOFF GAME, ASSHOLE!) decided he is the fucking franchise and any mention of him is strictly taboo.  Now he won’t talk to the team, his employers, and the city is turning on him.  On the radio today, a Denver sportscaster called him “a little bitch.”  I don’t think anyone would argue this point.

My main point is that people should stop comparing VY, Cutler, and Leinart because it is obvious that they are all insufferable assholes.  The Texans hit the jackpot.  Not only is Mario Williams awesome, but he’s personable and funny, too.  And Reggie Bush may not be as good as advertised, but at least he dates that chick with the fat ass.

There are no words from me.  Too soon.  Talk amongst yourselves…

(SI)

HOLD ON TO THE BALL YOU STUPID FUCK!

Ok.  There were those words.

My thoughts on Thursdays big game:  I have a feeling Florida is going to win.  I just don’t see Oklahoma pulling it off.  How’s that for in depth analysis?

Bowl Games:  Ok, I actually watched a little bit of a few of them and well, they weren’t all crap.  Although when the announcers start talking like bowl games are a better idea than a playoff I have to turn it off.  You can feed me this bullshit, just don’t lie to me.  That’s all I ask.

Fox’s Coverage of the BCS games:  It is horrific beyond words.  I watched some of the Ohio St.-Texas game and I was miserable the whole time.  The announcers were constantly wrong about which player was doing what.  They had camera shots that would zoom in on logos like Budweiser and Gatorade.  This wasn’t just between commercial breaks, it was between plays.  And it was so painfully obvious.  The down and distance graphic was consistantly wrong.  At one point an announcer said Chris Wells had 9 rushes for 89 yards or something.  Then he broke off  an eight yard run.  A graphic popped up that said he had 10 rushes for 89 yards.  WTF, Fox?  The announcers were consistantly wrong about what had happened on the play before and replays were at a premium.  It was the worst presentation I’ve ever seen.  I guess that’s what happens when you don’t show a college game all year and then pay millions of dollars to play the most important ones.

But they did handle the reaction shots nicely.

GETSOME!!!!!11!!1

The Colts:  Seriously?  You lost to this dude?

The Ravens:  That’s what happens when you get five turnovers.  Did you see Flacco’s stats?  9-23 for 123 or something rediculous like that.  All I’m saying is the Titans have to make the rookie QB play.

The Titans:  Unfortunately,  Kevin Mawae is out for the game.  So they may get five more turnovers.  Who knows?  I am 47% less confident about the game now that Mawae is out.

Players Titans cannot afford to lose for the Ravens Game, in order of importance:

Kerry Collins  (that would lead to more Vince Young)

Kevin Mawae

Chris Johnson

Cortland Finnegan

The LB Core

I don’t include any D lineman because we fared OK without Haynesworth and KVB.

That is all till Thursday night.  Apologies for the smattering of posts lately.  Been a little busy, a little writer’s blocked, and a little lazy.

 How did I not know there are twins on the Titans Cheerleading Squad?

The Titans take their 10-0 record back home to Adelphi- excuse me, LP Field to do field battle with the NY Jets.  Then it’s a short 3 day break and they travel to Detroit for a Thanksgiving Day Game.  I am particularly excited about the Thanksgiving Throwdown that I will be watching with the fam and a side of turkey.

But first, we play one of my least favorite teams in the NFL*.  The Jets are quarterbacked by Brett Favre.  Or as the National Media refers to him, Jesus Christ Quarterback.  As far as they are concerned, the man can do no wrong.  This is especially true for Peter King (SI), John Madden (NBC), and ESPN (ESPN).  But this is only part of the problem with the insufferable Brett Favre.  The other is the man himself.  For someone that I once loved and cheered for, Favre has fallen harder than the Simpson’s after the 90’s.  He is arrogant, whiny, and a rat.  He sold out his old team to the fucking Lion’s.  Depending on who you beleive, he either called or was called by the Lion’s and proceeded to give up all the information he had about the Packers before the Lion’s were to face them.  What a dick.  And his whole routine of “I’m retired, no wait, I’m back, no retired…BACK!  No, seriously, I’m just gonna retire back in Mississippi with my wife and ki-BACK!  I’M BACK!” bullshit has gotten really old.

*The list goes like this:

1.)  New England

2.)  New York J

3.)  Oakland 

4.)  Denver

5.)  Jacksonville

Of all the teams the Titans could lose to I pray it is not the Jets.  I would rather lose to the Lion’s than the fucking Jets.  I couldn’t watch TV for a week for fear of stumbling upon some announcer or analyst slobbering all over Favre’s cock.  It would literally ruin my year.  Like if Alabama loses to Auburn this year.  Or if Tennessee goes 3-9 or something crazy like that.  Fuck the Jets and their pussy ass, “Oh, he’s like a kid out there,” cocksucking QB.  And about the “Oh, he’s a kid out there” bullshit.  Just because someone has fun playing a game, it doesn’t make him a kid.  It makes him a human.  These assholes are getting payed to play a fucking game for a living.  They should be happy.   Oh, some of them aren’t?  Well, fuck them.  They can’t be good.  “Hey look at Tony Romo, he’s got a goofy ass grin on his face.  Well, he’s the next Brett Favre!”  All I’m saying is fuck. that. bullshit.  Some people aren’t all grins and giggles.

Moving on to Mercury Morris.  Uh-oh, a 10-0 team!  Better trot out the 79 Fins!  But only Mercury Morris will talk because he’s a camera whore.  But this year he likes the Titan’s moxy.  ?  Whatever.  I’m tired of them.  I wish they would all die so we can only hear about them in graphic form.  That was 30 years ago.  No one cares anymore.

That is all.  I don’t want to talk too much about the Titan’s.  Don’t want to jinx it.  Just don’t lose to the Jets.  That’s all I ask.

 editor’s note:  All of the fucking cool symbols used in this post turn out to be fucking question marks when you post it.  So pretend you’re looking at wacky symbols the whole time, not question marks.  Life is a series of endless disappointments.  That is all.

Checking in on a few things:

-The Titans are 9-0.  Scared to say anything.  Don’t want to jinx it.

-College Football Roundup:

?  Wyoming?  Really?

?  Penn St is in the Big 10, thus destined to not play in the national championship this year.  There was talk that even if they did go undefeated, a 1 loss team might still be ahead of them.  It’s best if the Big 10 just takes a break for a little while.  Enjoy your Rose Bowl and don’t bother the rest of us with your “football.”

?  If everything works out, the SEC Championship game between Florida and Alabammy will be a de facto National Championship Semi Final.  Fuck that.  I want a National Championship Semi Final without any queer latin in front of it.  De Facto can lick my taint.

?   I had to have one more thing because I wanted to use all the suits.  I just found the symbols button.  Look for more cool symbols to be heading your way.  Like this:  ?  What the fuck is that?!  No one knows. (ed note:  Yes we do know.  It’s a question mark.  Moving on…)

-NBA Happenstance:  No one watches the NBA before January and mostly no one watches until after the Super Bowl.  Against the better judgement of my friends, I joined a couple of Fantasy Basketball Leagues to give that a go.  The terror…the terror.  Now I have to pay attention to this bullshit.  Apparently because no one watches, star players think of every excuse to get out of playing early in the season.  I have so many injuries and absences on my team it is impossible to pick a starting lineup.  Mehmet Okur is in fucking Turkey right now!  Hey you fuck!  The fucking season started!  Come get some rebounds and high shooting percentages for me you queer!  (?  Look, a trident!) (ed note:  it was a wicked trident)  So in conclusion, you rich assholes need to play the fucking game you’re getting paid to play.  I don’t want to hear about sprained ankles and strained shoulders, I’m on to you dickbags.  Man up and play!  (? Fancy.) (ed note:  I’m not even going to tell you what that was.  It’s too depressing.)

-The Phillies won a couple of weeks ago.  I’m sure no one noticed so I’m filling you in.  They asked one of the Phillies what he was going to do now that he won the World Series and he said, “Reporting for Spring Training on Monday.”  ZING!!!!  You get it?  Baseball is long.  Ah, this baby’s wasted on you, where’s Chad?

Chris Johnson’s clever nickname came about on draft day 2008 when we waited anxiously for the Titan’s to name a reciever with the first pick knowing full well that no one ever knows what the Titans are going to do with their first pick (except for when we took Vince Young, everybody saw that coming).  So we waited through the first round and finally teh guy that suspends players all the time came to the podium and announced, “From East Carolina” (What?!) “Running Back” (Seriously?!) “Chris Johnson” (WHO THE F IS CHRIS JACKSON?!).  We (I mean me) instantly forgot his name.  Harkening back to my middle school days (Page Middle Represent!) I remembered fondly the gym teacher Coach Jackson whom we all called “Crack Action Jackson.”  So I shoe-horned that shit into Chris Johnson’s name and now across the country everyone knows him by that clever, mistaken moniker.  Ok, just across my living room I call him that.  And everyone is tired of it already.  In fact it was never funny.  Ever.

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If you live in the Nashville area, you know the “Titans on 2″ promos that Channel 2 runs.  Channel 2 is ABC ’round here.  ABC currently doesn’t carry any NFL games so I’m not sure why I would try and watch the Titans on 2 as they insist.  They do carry the preseason games no one watches (Because Eddie George is prominently involved) and the Coach’s show (the cleverly named “The Jeff Fisher Show”).  I found myself watching tonight and Coach Fisher brought up a point that reminded me why I love Coach Fish:

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After the dustup over his drinking and partaying pics, Vince sat down with some dude and shared some thoughts.  I didn’t make it past the 5th paragraph.

My thoughts?  He’s was/is young kid thrust into the spotlight and he thought he couldn’t handle it.  He got scared.  He cried a little.  I think he did a great job handling it considering what he was thinking about during that time.  To put it in perspective, Ryan Leaf and PacMan Jones handled thier situations a little differently.  So, you know.  There’s that.

BOOOOOO!!!!! PEOPLE I’VE NEVER HEARD OF!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Wow, I have never heard sports broken down so well.  This sports article is the most interesting I have ever seen.  I think you should click here so you can enjoy sports article as well.

That’s right, baby! The Freak is back in Cashville and I’m ready to get frisky with they ladies! Remember that commercial where I held that fucking baby in one hand and my hand was longer than the baby? Freaky bitches! That commercial still gets the ladies to drop their panties!

How about that time I held a 12 inch ruler between my pinkie and thumb? Fucking Freaky Deaky! I bet the ladies are wet just thinking about it! Hells Yeah! Philly bitches are fugly.

The Freak is Back and I’m ready to Fu-

OH! Oh, fuck my back! Fuuuuuuuuuck. Fuck. It hurts…fuck me…

The Titans season ended where few expected them to, in the playoffs. A lot happened along the way, both good and bad. Today, we’ll take a look back.

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It probably won’t be that spectacular, but we like to feel special. As you may or may not have seen, the regular season is over in both College and Professional football. While this is exciting because playoffs are tight and bowls are, well, you know how I feel, it does mean that our time together with football is coming quickly to a close. Towards the beginning of the season when I watched football all day Saturday, all day Sunday, Monday and Thursday nights I felt a little like I was neglecting the other things in my life, like my wife and my family. I cut back a bit and started skipping the non-SEC games, the late NFL games and MNF if it sucked. Looking back, I am pissed. I only get to watch football about five months out of the year. And it’s not every day like those bastards that play baseball, it’s once a week. My family should be able to get enough of me the remaining months of the year and leave me the hell alone in the fall and early winter. I’m mostly dormant during that time anyway, what with the cold weathers outside. Selfish bitches.

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In what could become a weekly feature, I will now ask the Tennessee Titans “What the Fuck?”

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