Football is still months away. Basketball is over. Hockey is over. The US Open will last till Sunday, Monday at the latest. Baseball is boring. UFC 100 is one night. Bleaghkch.
Here’s what Jurassic Park (one of my all time favorites) would have been like if the dinosaurs said “hey.”
NBA teams are better off financially to stay horrible. Actually, they are better off trying to become worse. And if you don’t think there are owners who see this as an opportunity, then you haven’t been paying attention to the Clippers, Grizzlies, or the Thunder. It is a crisis that is hitting a league already battling back from a credibility crisis (The Referee Scandal of ‘08) and already borrowing money to make up losses that half the league are facing. Not a good time for anyone, major sports included.
Bill Simmons - The No Benjamins Association. Excellent rundown from a true fan.
The Wall Street Journal - The Year NBA Teams Quit Early. A nice article highlighting the points Simmons makes.
And if you don’t care about the NBA, then don’t read it. But Hockey is next, and Baseball is not far behind. And the NFL is not invinceable.
Miles Rawls don’t care who you are, Obama or whoever. You’re getting heckled.
Meet the man who dared to talk that yik yak to the Prez during the Bulls vs. Wizards game last Friday. Miles Rawls.
Obama’s thinking, “Gitmo is still open for another year, asshole.”
These are a couple days old but worth a look if you missed them.
First up is an Alabama high school basketball game that erupts into violence. It goes for quite some time and spills into the stands. Those Alabamians sure know how to throw a good riot.
And then we have Zach Randolph of the LAClips doing some guy I’ve never heard of dirty after said guy I’ve never heard of got in his face and “tried to kiss him.” Zach Randolph don’t take to kindly to them kind.
Here is an article about Shane Battier. Dukie. Rocket. All around handsome man.
I haven’t read it yet because it is huge. But I hear it’s a real treat for basketball fans.
So give it a try if you got an especially long shit coming up.
Nice work.
Hey, if only in a future Nike/Gatorade*/ESPN commercial, its still fun to dream about.
Some Projections:
Avg. Fantasy Football Draft Posish: 5th. First WR taken.
Number of Championships for Cleveland: 0. Brady Quinn is still the QB.
Amount of Hatred I would have for him because of his three years at Ohio St.: Infinite.
Personally, I’m glad he stuck with the roundball. I am looking forward to the commercial. My guestimate: Super Bowl Sunday seems like a good time for a debut.
UPDATE: I just saw a commercial with this being hinted at and a 1/18/09 date. So watch for that.
*If you’ve been wondering what those “G” Commercials with all the big athletes are all about, it’s Gatorade. They are re-branding it or something stupid like that. weaksauce.
It was a might good week to be hatin’. A round-up from around the interwebs:
Hatin’ on Jay Cutler. (KSK) Allow me to say that even though Vince Young is a terrible QB, Jay Cutler has made the playoffs exactly zero times. Vince at least squeaked in last year as a starter (even though he rode the defense and run game and mostly tried to not screw up). Jay Cutler is this generation’s Dan Marino.
Hatin’ on Peter King of Sports Illustrated. (KSK)
Hatin’ on Haters of Chris Paul. (Deadspin)
Hatin’ on the Patriots. (KSK)
Hatin’ on the Pats some more. (KSK)
Hatin’ on THE BEST HIGH SCHOOL TRAINER EVER! (Deadspin)
Hatin’ on the 0-fer Lions. (With Leather)
Plus: Mangini Fired! Brett Favre sucking ass! Crennel Fired! Marinelli Fired! Severe Beatdowns in the UFC!
What a day for hate. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Not only did Brett Favre’s terrible interceptions cost the Jets the playoffs, it screwed over the Patriots as well! Oh my! Life is sweet!
Also, stories are surfacing about Brett Favre not taking to kindly to Coach Mangini calling him out in front of the team and in private about shitty play. And Favre was bitching about having to go to team meetings and participating in team activities. What an UNBELEIVABLE dickbag. And an announcer had the stones to call what Favre did this year “Courageous.” I could not be happier that Favre has nothing to do with the postseason this year. SOOOOOO happy.
editor’s note: All of the fucking cool symbols used in this post turn out to be fucking question marks when you post it. So pretend you’re looking at wacky symbols the whole time, not question marks. Life is a series of endless disappointments. That is all.
Checking in on a few things:
-The Titans are 9-0. Scared to say anything. Don’t want to jinx it.
-College Football Roundup:
? Wyoming? Really?
? Penn St is in the Big 10, thus destined to not play in the national championship this year. There was talk that even if they did go undefeated, a 1 loss team might still be ahead of them. It’s best if the Big 10 just takes a break for a little while. Enjoy your Rose Bowl and don’t bother the rest of us with your “football.”
? If everything works out, the SEC Championship game between Florida and Alabammy will be a de facto National Championship Semi Final. Fuck that. I want a National Championship Semi Final without any queer latin in front of it. De Facto can lick my taint.
? I had to have one more thing because I wanted to use all the suits. I just found the symbols button. Look for more cool symbols to be heading your way. Like this: ? What the fuck is that?! No one knows. (ed note: Yes we do know. It’s a question mark. Moving on…)
-NBA Happenstance: No one watches the NBA before January and mostly no one watches until after the Super Bowl. Against the better judgement of my friends, I joined a couple of Fantasy Basketball Leagues to give that a go. The terror…the terror. Now I have to pay attention to this bullshit. Apparently because no one watches, star players think of every excuse to get out of playing early in the season. I have so many injuries and absences on my team it is impossible to pick a starting lineup. Mehmet Okur is in fucking Turkey right now! Hey you fuck! The fucking season started! Come get some rebounds and high shooting percentages for me you queer! (? Look, a trident!) (ed note: it was a wicked trident) So in conclusion, you rich assholes need to play the fucking game you’re getting paid to play. I don’t want to hear about sprained ankles and strained shoulders, I’m on to you dickbags. Man up and play! (? Fancy.) (ed note: I’m not even going to tell you what that was. It’s too depressing.)
-The Phillies won a couple of weeks ago. I’m sure no one noticed so I’m filling you in. They asked one of the Phillies what he was going to do now that he won the World Series and he said, “Reporting for Spring Training on Monday.” ZING!!!! You get it? Baseball is long. Ah, this baby’s wasted on you, where’s Chad?
Shaquille O’Neal > Kobe in soooo many ways. As a person, as a teammate, as a holder of NBA Championship Rings, as a freestyler. Seriously, check out Shaq breaking it down in a club in NY. (Via Deadspin via TMZ via some dudes camera phone)
And if you didn’t read Joe Posnanski’s take on Kobe from the post before, shame on you. And here’s a follow up where he was shamed into an actual statistical breakdown. Yep, Kobe still sucks.
And this should tell you something about JoePo: I actually enjoy his baseball articles. Yeah, and I fucking hate baseball. Speaking of which, George Carlin died; sad times. But he did leave us this.
I can’t remember a championship that I was happier to see. I didn’t really start watching the Celts till the playoffs started but as you know, I love the Three Amigos. To see all of them vindicated with a Championship was kind of surreal. From KG’s postgame interview with Michelle Tafoya, to Pierce’s acceptance of the MVP trophy, to Doc River’s speech, it was all very fun to watch.
By the way, no one should ever, ever compare Kobe to MJ ever again. One of the best chants from the awesome Boston crowd was “You’re - no - MJ!” JoePo says it best. (and while we’re here, Joe Posnanski is an incredible writer. If you want to read what sportswriters should sound like, read Joe. All of these other guys like Rick Reilly, Plashke, Jay Mariotti, anyone on Around the Horn for that matter, and 98% of other sportswriters these days are for shit. But that’s another post.)
Here’s a video (the one I was telling KG (our KG) about) from an NBA game between Miami and Detroit in the Eastern Conference Finals a few years ago. Certainly some questionable calls down the stretch. It’s anecdotal evidence at best, but it certainly raises the ol’ eyebrows. Dick Bavetta is the ref in question (he’s the other one being investigated by the FBI).
That is all. Oh, and fuck Kobe. What a bitch.
Here are my thoughts:
-SHOOOWEEEEEE!!! Way to go Little E! I were pullin’ for Junior all.damn.day. I’m tickled shitless he finally got him one and all the haters can go fuck a goat; naysayin’, no-good, cotton pickin’ pig lovers.
/end NASCAR fan voice
-Tiger with one leg > The rest of the PGA (especially you Phil Mickelson)
-Oh my God, I don’t think I’ve ever watched a series where my opinion of a team took as much of a nosedive as the Lakers. I didn’t see much of LA during the season so I forgot that Kobe was such a prick. When they iso the camera on him everyfucking thing he’s pissed about. “That’s a foul you dipshit ref! Catch the ball Pau you ignorant fuck! Damnit Sasha, hit a fucking three every once in awhile! Fucking Sasha can’t D up shit! Has anyone seen Lamar?! He’s fucking disappeared!” Granted, these are all valid complaints (except the ref thing) but he’s just such a dick about it. I can’t stand his raping of girls either. And the only player I like on the team is Fish. Everyone else sucks. Best bench in the league? We are talking about Ronnie Turiaf right?
-I also have come to love Paul Pierce as much as Doc Hobs (shout out!). He has been awesome (forget about that turnover at the end of last night’s game). Jesus Shuttlesworth has been resurgent as well. And KG, I love the guy, but you just have to accept him for who he is. He’s an incredible player but he is far from clutchtastic. I hope they close it out tomorrow.
-Uh, it’s starting to storm so I’m gonna cut this off. Anything I left out? Bring it up in the comments bitches.
I’ll use this to kinda wrap up UT’s season and weigh in on the Final Four, and other things. So, here we go.
Wow, I have never heard sports broken down so well. This sports article is the most interesting I have ever seen. I think you should click here so you can enjoy sports article as well.
